Blog – Live Your Legend

Blog – Live Your Legend

Blog – Live Your LegendHow to Rise Up When You Want to Give Up: The 4-Step Process to Turn a Reaction into Positive ActionHow to Find Your ‘No’ So You Can Start Saying ‘Yes!’ to What Actually Matters7-Step Process to Help Make Difficult Decisions (and the #1 Thing That You Must Know to Make Any Decision Easy!)

http://ftr.fivefilters.org/makefulltextfeed.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fftr.fivefilters.org%2Fmakefulltextfeed.php%3Furl%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fliveyourlegend.net%252Fblog%252Ffeed%252F%26max%3D5&max=5 Change The World By Doing Work You Love http://liveyourlegend.net/rise-up-when-you-want-to-give-up/ http://liveyourlegend.net/?p=10655 <div><img src=”http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lyl-social-thumb.png” class=”ff-og-image-inserted”/></div><p><a href=”http://liveyourlegend.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Rise-Up.jpg”><img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-10656″ src=”http://liveyourlegend.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Rise-Up.jpg” alt=”Live Your Legend: How to Rise Up When You Want to Give Up” width=”700″ height=”742″ srcset=”http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Rise-Up.jpg 700w, http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Rise-Up-283×300.jpg 283w” sizes=”(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px”/></a></p> <h6><em><span>“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” –Maya Angelou</span></em></h6> <p><span>I have zero intention of bringing anything political to Live Your Legend, but in light of all that is going on in the world right now because of the recent U.S. election results, I do think it is important to take a look at the topic from a wider lens.</span></p> <p><span>Because part of what it means to “Live Your Legend” is to show up as the best version of yourself. And, while it may not appear outwardly obvious, I see what many people are feeling in the aftermath of the election results as similar to what I was feeling right after <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/in-memory-of-scott-dinsmore/” target=”_blank”>losing Scott</a>.</span></p> <p><span>A lot of people are experiencing their own sort of grief—because while grief is most often associated with death, when you distill it to its core concept, is it a natural human emotion we experience any time we believe we’ve suffered any kind of loss. One of the most basic definitions I’ve found is:</span></p> <blockquote readability=”8″> <p><em><span>Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change, in a familiar pattern of behavior. –The Grief Recovery Handbook</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span>And change challenges us because it disrupts the expectations we have of the way we think the world</span> <em><span>should</span></em> <span>be. It forces us to get out of our comfort zone because we have to find a way to exist in a place when we are unsure of</span> <em><span>how</span></em> <span>to do that. It requires us to live in a place we didn’t necessarily plan for. And it makes us look at ourselves head on, question who we are, and the beliefs, patterns and habits that we currently live with.</span></p> <p><span>Over the past year, my approach to grief has always been to zoom in and look at what’s going on at a much deeper level than what shows up on the surface. To look deep within myself to understand why I am doing what I am doing and feeling what I am feeling, but in a way that is somewhat detached from the actual situation at hand.</span></p> <p><span>Yes, my feelings and reactions may have been triggered from an external event, but I want to understand those things at a much deeper level. I want to answer</span> <em><span>why</span></em> <span>I am doing what I am doing, not simply understand</span> <em><span>what</span></em> <span>I am doing.</span></p> <p><span>And while all this is very much still happening within me, because life is ever-changing, I will speak in the past tense, because the initial “shock” and “disbelief” phase is what I think many around the world are feeling now.</span></p> <p><span>So, yes, I was processing the loss of the person I was closest to in this world, but it was painful and hard for reasons much deeper than that. Losing Scott turned my world upside down because:</span></p> <ul><li><span>It stripped me raw of many of the things I had used to identify myself.</span></li> <li><span>It challenged the beliefs I had about the way the world should be.</span></li> <li><span>It squashed hope I had for the future, putting me in a place where there was tremendous uncertainty and fear for what the future looked like.</span></li> <li><span>It made me feel like I didn’t belong in a place I previously felt like I belonged, and,</span></li> <li><span>It made me ask much bigger questions about how and why the world could possibly work in this way.</span></li> </ul><p><span>So today, I am not talking politics, because I couldn’t possibly begin to understand all the intricacies about what has and will happen as a result of last week… Instead I am talking about how to take something that feels chaotic, scary and foreign—and turn your reaction into a launch pad to create positive action.</span></p> <p><span>Because I don’t know about you, but I think the world is in desperate need of that at the moment…</span></p> <p><span>I am by no means an expert, but:</span></p> <p><em><span>I do have experience with how to look deep within when the world feels like it doesn’t make sense.</span></em></p> <p><em><span>I do have experience with being unbelievably afraid and learning how to turn that fear into fuel (for positive change, not anger or destruction</span></em><span>—</span><em><span>for self and others).</span></em></p> <p><em><span>I do have experience taking a situation that left me feeling powerless and hopeless and leveraging that to find empowerment.</span></em></p> <p><em><span>I do have experience finding light when the only thing I could actually see was dark.</span></em></p> <p><em><span>And I do have experience understanding and breaking down my own limitations so that I could show up positively in the world, despite all that was going on around me…</span></em></p> <p><span>So that was my short-winded (ha!) intro for discussing a 4-step process that (over and over again) helped me rise up when I wanted to give up in a world that felt like it made no sense.</span></p> <h2>4-Steps to Turn a Re-Action into Positive Action</h2> <h4><strong>Step 1: Fine Tune Your Focus</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”6″> <p><em><span>“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” –</span></em><em><span>Steve Maaboli</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span>How far would you get if you were trying to drive a car only looking in the rearview mirror?</span></p> <p><span>You would crash over and over and over again—and never ever actually get anywhere. And that frustration would cause you to want to give up because hey, you “tried” over and over and it didn’t work out, right?</span></p> <p><span>But the problem is not that you tried and it didn’t work. The problem is that your focus is in the wrong damn direction! Putting effort into wishing things were different, or burying yourself in what “did” or “could” happen is energy wasted.</span></p> <p><span>Is it unbelievably hard to accept things when they don’t turn out as you had hoped? Yes, it is! But the only way to move forward from the events that show up in our lives is to create a foundation from</span> <em><span>this</span></em> <span>place. What you do with</span> <em><span>what is</span></em><span>, not what</span> <em><span>could have been</span></em><span>, is the only thing you that will actually move you forward.</span></p> <p><span>We all only have so much energy to put out, and I don’t know about you, but if I am going to get into this car called life, I’d prefer to put my energy into moving that car forward instead of causing it to keep crashing.</span></p> <p><span>And as much as we want to believe otherwise, we have control over an incredibly small number of things. If I had to simplify it down to the core, all you really have control over is what you choose to do, today, this hour, this moment…</span></p> <ul><li><span>You cannot control what happens in life (what already happened, what could happen), but you can choose how you respond to it.</span></li> <li><span>You cannot control how other people will respond, but you can control how you show up in the world.</span></li> <li><span>You cannot control how your actions will unfold, but you do have control of how and where you choose to spend your time and energy.</span></li> </ul><p><span>Yet many of us spend most of our lives living caught up in the things we cannot control. And if all your time is spent unconsciously reacting to the things you have absolutely zero control over, there is no space to put into the things you can actually do something about.</span></p> <p><span>So it’s about shifting your focus away from the rearview mirror, and bringing your focus to the road right in front of you, to the here and now, because as harsh as it may sound, accepting that the new reality at hand is the truth (whether you like it or not), is the only possible place you can move forward from. And w</span>hen you start to become aware of where you’re focusing, that awareness allows you to create acceptance of what is and then shift your focus to what you actually can do something about.</p> <p><strong>Positive Action Exercise:</strong></p> <ol><li>When you find yourself going to the place of what could have been (getting worried or caught up in what did happen), stop and remind yourself: “There is nothing I can do about what already happened. But I can do something about what I do right now.” I had to remind myself over and over again… “This is my new reality, I cannot do anything to change that, but I can choose to live this reality with a smile or a frown.”</li> <li><span>When you find yourself going to the place of what could be (getting worried or caught up in what could happen), stop and ask yourself: “Is this true right now? Not in the future, but right now.” We tend to paint very elaborate pictures of what could be, but more often than not, none of those pictures are actually true in this very moment.</span></li> </ol><h4><strong>Step 2: Understand Yourself (and Create Compassion for Others)</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”11″> <p><em><span>“It’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.” –Doe Zantamata</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span>We are huge advocates of becoming a self-expert here at LYL, because the better we understand ourselves, the better we’ll understand each other.</span></p> <p><span>Many of us blindly walk through life doing things because we are “supposed to” or were “told to” or “should” or because it is “normal” without ever taking a moment to think about why we are doing what we are doing. And how can we possibly understand why others do what they do if we don’t even understand why we do what we do?!</span></p> <p><span>And while many feel anything but connected right now, there is simply no denying that we are all in this together. What any one person does has an impact on the people around them, and in some way, shape or form will continue to impact people for generations to come.</span></p> <p><span>So, given this post is all about rising up when you want to give up, I believe that the path to progress lies in doing what you can do—but doing it</span> <em><span>for</span></em> <span>and</span> <em><span>because of</span></em> <span>those around you (which is why finding compassion and releasing judgment is so very important).</span></p> <p><span>It’s not every man out for himself, it’s about focusing your efforts on the things you actually can do something about, and knowing that when we do that collectively, it will move the needle forward.</span></p> <p><span>And a great place to start is to simply have a better understanding of why you do what you do. Because when you do that, it might help you understand why others do what they do, even if you may not agree with it.</span></p> <p><span>And when you start to understand yourself better, you’ll:</span></p> <ul><li><span>Begin to live a life that’s more intentional and less reactionary</span></li> <li><span>Make better decisions based on who you are, rather than who you are supposed to be</span></li> <li><span>Start spending your time doing what actually matters to you, which in turn positively impacts all those around you, and</span></li> <li><span>(Hopefully!!!) be able to release judgment and gain compassion for others and why they do what they do.</span></li> </ul><p><strong>Positive Action Exercise:</strong></p> <p><span>Answer this series of questions to help you understand you—and because of what we are encountering right now, potentially have a better understanding of others.</span></p> <ol><li>How do you describe yourself to others? What are the top 5 words you’d use to describe yourself?</li> <li>Throughout your day, what most often follows the statement “I am ___” or “I do___”?</li> <li>How would you like others to describe you if you had a choice? Another way to think about this: what would you want others to say about you at your funeral?</li> <li>What kind of person would this make you? Why is that a good thing?</li> <li>Are you living that image today? If not, what beliefs (aka what story do you tell yourself – too old, too young, etc.) do you have that are stopping you from being this kind of person?</li> <li>If you HAD to find something “wrong” with being this kind of person, what would that be?</li> <li>Have you ever had a belief that changed or something you once thought was not possible that then became possible? List the old belief and the new one. What experience caused that belief to change?</li> <li>Do you believe that your experiences brought you to believe the things you believe today?</li> <li>Would you today judge a person with that old belief? Why?</li> <li>Who are the people that bother/frustrate/annoy/anger you? What beliefs do they have that make you feel that way?</li> <li>What kind of person does this make them? And what is wrong with that kind of person?</li> <li>If you were this kind of person, what would that mean about you? What is wrong with that?</li> </ol><p>If you can come to believe that your beliefs are a result of the unique experiences that brought you to where you are today, and your beliefs are simply something that you tell yourself to be true (which is why they can change and why two people who are looking at the same thing can see it so differently), it helps to understand that other people’s experiences brought them to the beliefs they have today as well. We dive a lot deeper into this topic in our <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/tools-to-do-work-you-love/” target=”_blank”>courses</a>.</p> <h4><strong>Step 3: See Things Better Than They Are, Not Worse</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”7″> <p><em><span>“Leaders… they see things as better than they are, not worse. And they take action to make things the way they see them.” –Inspired by Tony Robbins Leadership Academy</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span>For things to</span> <em><span>be</span></em> <span>better, you need to</span> <em><span>make</span></em> <span>them better. If you wait around for things to just “get” better, you are 1. going to be waiting a really long time, or 2. going to end up disappointed when things don’t magically go your way. And in order to make them better, you have to be able to see them better.</span></p> <p><span>I’ll be honest, right after losing Scott, the only thing I could envision was me being the crazy 50-year-old aunt that had 20 cats. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that life, but for me personally, it is not the prettiest picture of what I want from my life. However, in my mind it felt like it could be very real. And if it was where I let my mind stop, it likely could become my reality.</span></p> <p><span>But to be the leader of your own life, you need to at the very least see things as they are, not worse (which is why focusing on <em>what actually is</em>, is so important). Ideally you envision them better than they actually are because if you cannot envision things better than they are, it is tough to ever make that happen.</span></p> <p><span>That’s the main reason we share the transformation stories we do at LYL–so that you have proof of what is possible. Many people out there don’t believe it is possible to make a living from doing work you love. And if you don’t think something is possible, it’s highly unlikely to ever happen.</span></p> <p><strong>Positive Action Exercise:</strong></p> <ol><li><span>Let fear do its thing. Go ahead and list all the things that could go wrong about your current situation.</span></li> <li><span>Take each “wrong” scenario and come up with an opposite “right” scenario.</span></li> </ol><h4><strong>Step 5: Determine the Next Smallest Step</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”10″> <p><em><span>“The biggest risk isn’t that you’re going to try something and it’s not going to work out. The biggest risk is that you wake up a year from now, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years and wish you would have done things different.” –Scott Dinsmore</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span>I see it as our responsibility to ourselves, and to each other, to take life’s challenges and let them change us in a way that allow us to do more, be more, share more and give more.</span></p> <p><span>Because, call me crazy, but I think that each of us has the opportunity to leave this world a little better than we found it. No matter what cards you are dealt…</span></p> <p><span>Yet I understand that at times, it feels like there is no hope. That things are way too backwards to ever make progress. That you are only one small person.</span></p> <p><span>But at Live Your Legend, we always talk about taking the smallest steps possible. The steps so small that you cannot fail. And, while I will never be able to fully comprehend the number of different fears many people are processing at the moment, I do know that every single one of us can start with what we can do as individuals.</span></p> <p><span>And if you are only focusing on the things you can’t control or everything that could go wrong, there is no space to take action towards what we can make right. The more you can live with what you</span> <em><span>can do</span></em><span>, instead of what you</span> <em><span>cannot</span></em><span>, the more progress you (and therefore, we) will make.</span></p> <p><span>Because…</span></p> <ul><li><span>Giving up is easy. Rising above is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Seeing things worse than they are is easy. Seeing things better than they are is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Complaining is easy. Taking action is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Taking is easy. Giving, without expecting anything in return simply because you know it is the right thing to do, is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Resisting and fighting is easy. Accepting and embracing is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Falling into fear is easy. Having compassion, even when it doesn’t make sense, is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Releasing judgment for the people you understand is easy. Releasing judgment for the people you don’t understand is hard.</span></li> <li><span>Seeing this as YOUR world is easy. Seeing this as OUR world is hard.</span></li> </ul><p><span>And that starts with a commitment to take the high road, whether you are rewarded for it or not. It starts with being the change, instead of just talking about it.</span></p> <p><span>Because if you do what you can do, which is start small, step up, show up, and shine the light that lives within all of us, the rest unfolds as it is meant to….</span></p> <p><span>So, when you find that fear, anger, frustration, etc. begin to creep up, answer this one simple question: what small step can I do today, this hour, this minute?</span></p> <p><strong>Positive Action Exercise:</strong></p> <ol><li><span>What is the next smallest step can I do today, this hour, this minute to get me closer to one of those “right” scenarios listed in step 3?</span></li> </ol><p><span>It may be something unbelievably small, something so small that it is impossible to fail.</span></p> <p><span>But that step leads to the next, which leads to the next, and the next.</span></p> <p><span>And the only way to rise up is to let one step lead to another…</span></p> <p><span>–Chelsea Dinsmore</span></p> <p>Note: Aspects of this post were inspired by the works of Tony Robbins and Byron Katie.</p> <p><strong><a href=”https://blockads.fivefilters.org”>Let’s block ads!</a></strong> <a href=”https://github.com/fivefilters/block-ads/wiki/There-are-no-acceptable-ads”>(Why?)</a></p> Wed, 16 Nov 2016 17:00:10 +0000 Chelsea Dinsmore How to Rise Up When You Want to Give Up: The 4-Step Process to Turn a Reaction into Positive Action | Live Your Legend article http://liveyourlegend.net/rise-up-when-you-want-to-give-up/ http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lyl-social-thumb.png “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” –Maya Angelou I have zero intention of bringing anything political to Live Your Legend, but in light of all that is going on in the world right now because of the recent U.S. election results, I do think it is important to take a look at the topic from a wider lens. Because part of what it means to “Live Your Legend” is to show up as the best version of yourself. And, while it may not appear outwardly obvious, I see what many people are feeling in the aftermath of the election results as similar to what I was feeling right after losing Scott. A lot of people are experiencing their own sort of grief—because while grief is most often associated with death, when you distill it to its core concept, is it a natural human emotion we experience any time we believe we’ve suffered any kind of loss. One of the most basic definitions I’ve found is: Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by en-US text/html http://liveyourlegend.net/rise-up-when-you-want-to-give-up/ Career & Purpose Emotions & Happiness Meditation & Presence Productivity Quotes Simplicity Stewardship & Gratitude http://liveyourlegend.net/how-to-find-your-no/ http://liveyourlegend.net/?p=10600 <div><img src=”http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Say-No.jpg” class=”ff-og-image-inserted”/></div><p><em><span><a href=”http://liveyourlegend.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Say-No.jpg”><img class=”wp-image-10648 size-full aligncenter” src=”http://liveyourlegend.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Say-No.jpg” width=”700″ height=”462″ srcset=”http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Say-No.jpg 700w, http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Say-No-300×198.jpg 300w” sizes=”(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px”/></a></span></em></p> <h6><em><span>“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” –John C. Maxwell</span></em></h6> <p><span>Have you ever struggled with saying no to someone or something? Are there particular people in your life where “yes” comes flying out of your mouth before you even stop to think about what you actually want? And have you ever felt resentful after saying yes to something that ended up compromising what was truly important to you?</span></p> <p><span>Most of us have been there too because generally speaking saying yes is easy. Saying no, well, that takes a little more courage!</span></p> <p><span>But why is it so hard to say no when we’re talking about sacrificing things that actually matter to us? It can be things like:</span></p> <ul><li><span>Fear of being rejected or thought poorly of by others</span></li> <li><span>Worrying that the other person won’t like you anymore or badmouth you</span></li> <li><span>A belief that we are being selfish if we say no</span></li> <li><span>Fear of conflict with others</span></li> <li><span>Wanting to be “nice” and seen as someone who contributes selflessly to others (even if we resent saying yes and contributing!)</span></li> <li><span>Attaching your self-worth to how many things you do for others</span></li> <li><span>Because you allow other people’s priorities to become your own priorities (for reasons above)</span></li> <li><span>Others start to get used to you saying yes all the time, making finding your no even more challenging.</span></li> </ul><p><span>Plus we have mostly been trained from a very young age that saying no is wrong or not okay. How many times did your parents get angry at you if you said no to doing something? Did you get sent to your room or grounded? Many of us have been stripped of our permission to say no from very early on.</span></p> <p>So it’s no wonder that many of us have lost the art of saying no. But it’s not all bad news, because saying no is just like a muscle that hasn’t been used in a while. You can still train it back into shape!</p> <p>And even if you are actually quite practiced at saying no, on the flipside are you actually saying yes to the things you really want? Are you going after what matters to you? Or are you simply saying no to everything out of a different kind of fear or resistance? Only you can know…</p> <h2><strong>Tips for Saying No &amp; Making Room for What Matters</strong></h2> <blockquote readability=”6″> <p>“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.” –Tony Blair</p> </blockquote> <p>Not saying no has a far greater impact than one might think, and one that compounds with time—because when we can’t say no we <em>stop focusing on what matters</em> to us and we <em>stop prioritizing what we want</em> for our lives. Additionally, saying yes all the time to please others is actually incredibly fake, builds resentment, and is a complete disservice to those you are saying yes to, when really you want to say no.</p> <p><span>So, for now we want to share some tips with you that will help get your “no”-muscle back into shape so that you can speak your truth, go after what matters to you, be responsible for living a life you love, reclaim your lost power, and actively choosing how you spend your days going forward.</span></p> <h4><strong>1. Give yourself permission to say no</strong></h4> <p><span>A while back we covered off on how to start</span> <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/do-you-have-permission-to-live-your-greatest-life/” target=”_blank”><span>giving yourself permission</span></a> <span>to live a life you want. And similarly here you will need to start to unravel years of social conditioning by allowing yourself the permission to actually dust off your “</span><span>no” and start using it when appropriate.</span></p> <p><span>How to do it:</span></p> <ul><li><span>Start the process by saying out loud:</span> <em><span> “I give myself permission to say ‘no’ when it’s right for me.”</span></em></li> <li><span>You may very well need to repeat this phrase multiple times until you actually start to believe it.</span></li> </ul><h4><strong>2. Allow yourself space between stimulus and response</strong></h4> <p><span>The quality of your response to a request is directly correlated to the amount of space you allow yourself to consider the request. In other words, if you are feeling like you are in a real pressure cooker to answer yes or no, then it’s highly likely you will give a response that is not high quality (aka, not true for you). So instead you need to carve out some space to reply and make sure you can: a) remind yourself of the permission you have from step 1; and b) be powerful to respond in the best way possible for you.</span></p> <p><span>How to do it:</span></p> <ul><li><span>When someone makes a request of you, you can use the following phrases to create the space you need:</span> <ul><li><span>Thanks so much for asking. I’m going to sleep on it so that I can give your request the thought it deserves.</span></li> <li><span>That sounds interesting. I just need to check in with xyz person (my husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, business partner, parents, financial advisor, accountant, etc.)</span></li> <li><span>You know, I’m just not in a position right now to know whether or not that’s going to work for me. When do you need an answer from me?</span></li> </ul></li> </ul><h4><strong>3. Two sides of the same coin: A yes is a no &amp; a no is a yes</strong></h4> <p><span>Yes and No are two sides of the same coin. It is important to remember that whenever you say yes, it means that you are saying no to something else. And whatever you say no to, you are saying yes to something else.</span></p> <p><span>At first it might not be that obvious, but when we both realized that in saying yes to working with clients at all hours of the day/night early on in our business building we were actually saying no to our husbands and kids. That’s when sh*t got real! Once you’ve created that time between stimulus and response, now you can actually get present to what the two sides of the coin actually are.</span></p> <p><span>For example:</span></p> <ul><li><span>Saying yes to helping a friend moving house = saying no to unwinding and meditating</span></li> <li><span>Saying yes to working late = saying no to family time</span></li> <li><span>Saying no to something outside of your comfort zone = saying yes to staying small or stuck</span></li> <li><span>Saying yes to an expensive holiday = saying no to saving for your kid’s college</span></li> <li><span>Saying yes to meeting with someone for an hour = saying no to your planned exercise routine</span></li> </ul><p><span>How to do it:</span></p> <ul><li><span>Bring awareness to the fact that there is always a flip side</span></li> <li><span>Start to get clear on what each side of that coin looks like. Write out what you are saying no to but saying yes—and vice versa.</span></li> <li><span>Decide if you are ok with the flip side—this will powerfully inform your <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/7-step-process-to-help-make-difficult-decisions-and-the-1-thing-that-you-must-know-to-make-any-decision-easy/” target=”_blank”>decision-making</a> (which we covered last week) by allowing you to recognize which of your decisions aligns better with your values.</span></li> </ul><h4><strong>4. Deliver your no powerfully</strong></h4> <p><span>So now that you’ve given yourself permission, allowed yourself that all important space between stimulus and response, and realized that yes and no are two sides of the same coin, it’s now time to powerfully deliver your no. You have done the groundwork and now it’s time to get into action—which can initially be very daunting.</span></p> <p><span>Many people are probably quite used to you saying yes, so be prepared for a reaction that is not quite so favorable if and when you say no! But it’s important to stand your ground and allow the other person to have their thoughts and feelings.</span></p> <p><span>How to do it:</span></p> <ul><li><span>Keep in mind why you are saying no and what you will be saying yes to as a result</span></li> <li><span>Let the person know at your earliest convenience</span></li> <li><span>Keep it short and communicate with powerful language like:</span> <ul><li><em><span>Thank you so much for inviting me to X, I’ve given it careful consideration and on this occasion I will pass.</span></em></li> <li><em><span>I so appreciate you thinking of me for X, after some thought I realized that I’m simply not in a position right now to commit.</span></em></li> <li><em><span>I realize how important X is to you so it was important to me that I gave this proper time and thought. It’s a no from me, but I wanted to wish you luck with finding the right opportunity/person/partner.</span></em></li> </ul></li> </ul><p>And whatever you do, be sure not to:</p> <ul><li><span>Apologize for saying no!</span></li> <li><span>Launch into all sorts of reasons to justify your no (it will dilute your message and possibly open the door for them to push the matter and convince you).</span></li> <li><span>Be untruthful and lie.</span></li> <li><span>Say “</span><span>Okay, let me think about it,</span><span>” if it’s clear in your mind that you don’t want to do it. This will just draw out the whole situation probably making you feel even more stressed and waste the other person’s time. The sooner they get your no the sooner they can move on and find a yes.</span></li> </ul><p><span>And one final rule to remember—as Derek Sivers put so well:</span></p> <h4>5. “If it’s not a hell yes! It’s a no.”</h4> <p><span>Because life’s too short to sacrifice yourself and your dreams for things that simply aren’t a priority for you. So the more you can practice saying “no thanks” to the things that otherwise would not be on your radar, the more you can find the “Hell Yeses” for the things that, when focused on, will bring you more passion, fulfillment, aliveness and joy!</span></p> <p><span>Ready to start taking back control of what you want and get out of your own way? Then let us know in the comments below one thing you otherwise would have said yes to, but will now say no!</span></p> <p><span>–Leah &amp; Naz</span></p> <p><strong><a href=”https://blockads.fivefilters.org”>Let’s block ads!</a></strong> <a href=”https://github.com/fivefilters/block-ads/wiki/There-are-no-acceptable-ads”>(Why?)</a></p> Wed, 09 Nov 2016 19:05:16 +0000 Leah Hynes and Nazrin Murphie How to Find Your ‘No’ So You Can Start Saying ‘Yes!’ to What Actually Matters | Live Your Legend article http://liveyourlegend.net/how-to-find-your-no/ http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Say-No.jpg “Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” –John C. Maxwell Have you ever struggled with saying no to someone or something? Are there particular people in your life where “yes” comes flying out of your mouth before you even stop to think about what you actually want? And have you ever felt resentful after saying yes to something that ended up compromising what was truly important to you? Most of us have been there too because generally speaking saying yes is easy. Saying no, well, that takes a little more courage! But why is it so hard to say no when we’re talking about sacrificing things that actually matter to us? It can be things like: Fear of being rejected or thought poorly of by others Worrying that the other person won’t like you anymore or badmouth you A belief that we are being selfish if we say no Fear of conflict with others Wanting to be “nice” and seen as someone who contributes selflessly to others (even if we resent saying yes and contributing!) en-US text/html http://liveyourlegend.net/how-to-find-your-no/ Career & Purpose Communication & Rapport Emotions & Happiness Productivity Simplicity http://liveyourlegend.net/7-step-process-to-help-make-difficult-decisions-and-the-1-thing-that-you-must-know-to-make-any-decision-easy/ http://liveyourlegend.net/?p=10614 <div><img src=”http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lyl-social-thumb.png” class=”ff-og-image-inserted”/></div><h6><a href=”http://liveyourlegend.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Decisions.jpg”><img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-10615″ src=”http://liveyourlegend.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Decisions.jpg” alt=”Live Your Legend: Decision Making” width=”700″ height=”581″ srcset=”http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Decisions.jpg 700w, http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Decisions-300×249.jpg 300w” sizes=”(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px”/></a></h6> <h6>“Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” –Unknown</h6> <p>Decisions, decisions, decisions… how many of you have ever felt decision fatigue? Or felt a little stuck in the decision-making process? I sure know I have!</p> <p>So earlier this year, when I attended a 5-day financial planning seminar where I heard from speakers such as George W. Bush, T. Boone Pickens, Peter Diamantis and Tony Robbins, aside from my head really hurting from all the discussions on investments, the economy and asset classes, I was surprised to find that one of the topics that kept coming up was how these incredibly successful leaders went about making decisions—many of which took place under tremendous pressure—such as 9/11, the 2008 stock market crash and being on the verge of bankruptcy.</p> <p>Hearing those circumstances makes your decision seem a little less stressful, doesn’t it?! 🙂</p> <p>Yet, there is no doubt that decision making can be tough—especially if and when you feel like you are making a decision between two evils. But true leaders, the people who stand out from the rest, are the ones who act and decide instead of crumble in the face of needing to make a decision. These are the people who thrive and survive no matter what chaos is happening around them.</p> <p>So, while I still have a long way to go—today I’d like to share a decision-making process that I use when making tough decisions. I do this often (in both business and with personal decisions) to make sure I am acting in alignment and with intention.</p> <p>Constantly checking in with why and how you make your decisions will ensure that you don’t wake up 5 years from now and wonder how the heck you got where you are!</p> <p>So let’s dive right into the 7-step process (alongside some fun stories) that I use anytime I am faced with a big decision.</p> <h2><strong>7-Step Process to Help Make Any Decision</strong></h2> <h4><strong>1. Write Out Your Values and/or Priorities</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”5″> <p>“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” –Roy E. Disney</p> </blockquote> <p>When you know your values, decisions become incredibly easy! But sometimes it takes revisiting what your values are to bring that easy decision to light.</p> <p>For example, at Live Your Legend, we get approached often with affiliate and partnership offers. If we choose to participate in them, it might bring in some extra cash, but that’s not in alignment with our values at Live Your Legend.</p> <p>Our core values at Live Your Legend are:</p> <ul><li>Authenticity</li> <li>Integrity</li> <li>Compassion</li> <li>Service, and</li> <li>Community.</li> </ul><p>So if someone on the LYL team has not personally used a product (and seen massive results!), we won’t suggest it to you.</p> <p>This means we turn down a lot of offers! And, sure, it would be easy to think about making a few extra bucks, but integrity, offering the best of the best and adding massive value to all of you matters to us over profit. Sometimes things are tempting but then I ask myself, why do I want to do this? If it is driven by a financial incentive, it quickly becomes very easy to say no.</p> <p>And generally when a decision “doesn’t feel right” (see point 5 below!) it is because that decision came from a place that isn’t in line with your core values or priorities.</p> <p>On the flip side, when you make a decisions from an intentional place—a place aligned with who you (or your organization) are—that is when you can look at that decision and say “no matter how it turns out, at least I approached this from a place of value,” meaning you are welcome to the lesson you learn from it… however that may look.</p> <h4><strong>2. Know Your Intended Outcome</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”7″> <p>“If you don’t know what you are looking for, you are never going to find it.” –Scott Dinsmore</p> </blockquote> <p>Oftentimes decisions become easy when you have a clear outcome—and you save yourself a ton of wasted time!</p> <p>I approach most things I go into (especially meetings, calls, etc.) with that question: What is my outcome? I even <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/the-importance-of-meaningful-connections-how-i-prepared-for-my-world-domination-summit-keynote-why-no-one-does-anything-alone/” target=”_blank”>prepared for my World Domination Summit keynote</a> by starting with that question.</p> <p>Not only does knowing your outcome create space for a very intentional decision, it also helps keep you focused. For example, we hold a monthly team call at LYL and the outcome is always to celebrate what happened the past month, discuss what we could have done better (think one “keep” and one “grow”) and then discuss the main objective or project we are working on for the next month. In keeping that simple structure, it allows us to stay on track with what really matters instead of get lost in the details.</p> <p>I also take this approach as I plan my week by writing out the three things that MUST get done that week to tick the needle a little further forward. Three is always a doable number no matter what I am doing and has allowed me to be insanely productive with this business this year, despite all the personal processing and travel that I have done.</p> <p>It is easy to get analysis paralysis when you have too many things on your plate—so simplify. Easier said than done, I know, but that’s why starting with the end in mind is a great way to get you more directly from point A to point B.</p> <h4><strong>3. List Out Your Options (3–5 minimum)</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”5″> <p>“Luck is where opportunity meets preparation.” –Seneca</p> </blockquote> <p>Too often we limit ourselves to thinking there are only two options in any given situation—but if you get creative enough, you will likely realize that you have a lot more options than you think! A short story…</p> <p>A few years ago, Scott and I were invited to two weddings—one that took place in New York on Friday and in Carmel, CA on Saturday.</p> <p>Originally, it may have appeared that we had to pick one or the other, but we didn’t limit ourselves to that thinking. Instead we gave ourselves a third option—to go to both! How, you ask? We didn’t really know—but once it was an available option, it was on the table.</p> <p>To make a long story short, we showed up in New York on Friday, made the wedding and instead of staying where the wedding was outside the city, we drove to an airport hotel that night so we could catch the first flight out of JFK on Saturday. We arrived to SFO around noon and drove to Carmel as soon as we landed.</p> <p>Were we under-slept? Yes. Did we barely have time to shower and freshen up? Yes. Did I wear the same dress to two weddings two nights in a row? Yes. But none of those things mattered when we saw the look on the bride and groom’s faces as we got to witness the best day of their lives.</p> <p>The point is: there are always more options than you think. Write out all the options you can think of, especially the things that seem kinda crazy! At a very minimum, list out 3 (if not more) options.</p> <h4><strong>4. Determine What Is Guiding Your Decision and Eliminate All Shoulds!</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”6″> <p>“Good decisions don’t come from self-delusion—they come from ruthless self-knowledge and brutal honesty.” –Jonathan Fields</p> </blockquote> <p>Self-analyze and decide if you are approaching your decisions from a place of fear or from a place of love. I have spent a ton of time this year practicing listening to my heart instead of my head. Which causes me to do things that don’t always appear “logical”—but I’ve decided logic isn’t the place I want to lead from. And as a result of that, I have had some pretty crazy “coincidences.”</p> <p>As I mentioned in <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/getting-real-33-honest-personal-stories-fears-facts-you-dont-know-about-me/” target=”_blank”>a post I did a while back</a>, when I was at a transition in my career, I got accepted to a very reputable program to get my Masters in Public Health but instead chose to get my yoga certification. Definitely not the logical step in some people’s minds! But at the time, I was far more excited about yoga than I was about Public Health.</p> <p>My head was telling me school was the practical choice, but my heart was telling me that it had a passion and interest in yoga. In short, the idea of a master’s degree was what I thought I <em>should</em> do to be successful, but my heart felt differently.</p> <p>And while I don’t teach yoga anymore, it led me down a path to discovering and landing my dream job that I stayed in for nearly 5 years—until I began to discover that as I grew, my dreams grew, too. So I moved on to something new.</p> <p>So, how do you listen to your heart, you ask? Good question! As it is something we often get taught to stop doing as we grow up.</p> <p>The best way to start listening to your heart is to become hyper self-aware. This means recognizing feelings instead of mental chatter. When you start trying to talk yourself out of something… “Well, that doesn’t make sense? What would so-and-so think of me? I could never do that…” that’s generally you trying to use logic to rationalize why you shouldn’t do something you actually want to do at some level!</p> <p><em>So, if you find yourself trying to talk yourself out of something, dig into that, because it means there is something at some level that you want to do in the first place!</em></p> <p>And the only things you shouldn’t do are the things you think you <em>should</em> do!</p> <p>Because, not a single person is better for it—you, or the people you are around you!</p> <h4><strong>5. Determine Which of These Options Aligns Best with Your Values/Priorities</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”6″> <p>“Life lived by choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived by chance is a life of unconscious reaction.” –Neale Donald Walsch</p> </blockquote> <p>I have always believed it is an incredible honor to be asked to attend a wedding. Anyone who has been married knows that creating the guest list is one of the most challenging tasks! And I was married before most of my friends since Scott and I met so young—so I decided early on that I would do my very best to attend as many weddings as I was invited to.</p> <p>Therefore, you can see that in the example above, sleep and being at my best wasn’t my priority, it was being present at an important day for people that meant something to me. There were years this led me to going to double digit weddings in a single year (and multiple back-to-back weddings in different cities). That meant I had to say no to other things—family obligations at home or traveling to places I maybe would have personally chosen instead of where a wedding brought me—but because my priority was to honor the honor of being invited, it was never once a tough decision.</p> <h4><strong>6. Narrow Down to Two Options, Then Ask: How Would I Feel if I Did X Versus X? Would I Regret Not Doing X?</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”5″> <p>“You’ll never regret doing a little more living.” –Scott Dinsmore</p> </blockquote> <p>Once again, tapping into the logical or societally acceptable thing to do, is when you are listening to all that is around you instead of what it is that you actually want to do. However, in order to ever be fulfilled by doing something, <em>you</em> must actually want to do it.</p> <p>I hear people all the time say they go to things because they feel obligated. Why do they feel obligated? Because they want to appear a good person, a good employee, a good family member, etc. But the problem is, if you don’t actually find a way to want to be there, you won’t really be there at all—which just wastes everyone’s time! So in my opinion you have two options:</p> <ol><li>Create a compelling reason to want to go (that matters to you)</li> <li>Don’t go!</li> </ol><p>I don’t mean to sound harsh here. I am all about attending things that matter to people. I do it all the time. I actually say yes more than most! But I can do so without the “should” or obligation because I genuinely see an opportunity in every experience—that is true and honest to me.</p> <p>I also actually like supporting others’ endeavors when I can—which means I don’t then come home and complain about going—because I do actually want to go!</p> <p>So ask yourself the following three questions:</p> <ol><li><strong><em>How would I feel if I did X?</em></strong> Strung out, tired, bored? Or excited, enthusiastic, curious?</li> <li><strong><em>How would I feel if I didn’t do X?</em></strong> Relieved, relaxed, refreshed? Guilty, like I was missing out, unsupportive?</li> <li>And most importantly, <em><strong>would I regret not doing X?</strong></em> This generally tends to make a decision pretty clear, as regret is a powerful motivator. And remember, the more you know yourself, understand your values, what matters to you, etc. the more clear these answers become! And that is why becoming a self-expert is the first step in living life on purpose!</li> </ol><p>One huge red flag: if you find yourself complaining about something (especially before it’s even taken place), you need to either align with it or do yourself and everyone a favor and not do it.</p> <h4><strong>7. If the Answer Is Still Not Clear, Stay Curious Because It Will Force You to Get Creative!</strong></h4> <blockquote readability=”5″> <p>“Curiosity cultivates creativity.” –Chelsea Dinsmore</p> </blockquote> <p>One of the main lessons I shared in my <a href=”http://liveyourlegend.net/3-crucial-concepts-to-overcome-challenge/” target=”_blank”>World Domination Summit keynote</a> was the power of staying curious and turning statements into questions. If you ever find yourself at a crossroads, at a stopping point, or stuck somewhere, it’s often not a lack of resources but rather a lack of being creative.</p> <p>For example, there are many times over the last year of running LYL, where I have simply wanted to throw my hands up in the air and say, “This is too much! I can’t.” But thankfully, I have instilled a practice of turning those statements into questions.</p> <p>When my mind says: “This is too much,” I instead ask: “Why does this feel like too much?” (i.e., what is this really tapping into—my fear of failure, my ego, etc.?) or “Who might I be able to ask for help?” or “What else could I do?”</p> <p>When my mind says: “I can’t,” I instead ask: “If you could, what would be your smallest next step?” or “Why is this important to you?”</p> <p>When you question not what you can do, but why it is important to you, the answers start to reveal themselves. Because when you stay curious, instead of closed off, possibilities that you otherwise might not see start to appear…</p> <p>And it is by taking advantage of those possibilities that you start to move from the ordinary to the extraordinary!</p> <p>I hope this decision-making process helps you find some ease in a big decision you might be facing.</p> <p>We’d love to hear in the comments below a big decisions you’re dealing with and the tips you used to get over decision indecision.</p> <p>Here’s to acting (and deciding) with intention,</p> <p>–Chelsea Dinsmore</p> <p>P.S. Knowing your values is the most important factor in making intentional decisions which is why we dive deep into the topic in our <a href=”https://liveoffyourpassion.com/joinus/?utm_source=lyl&amp;utm_medium=blog&amp;utm_content=coursespg&amp;utm_campaign=lyl2014″ onclick=”_gaq.push([‘_trackEvent’, ‘outbound-article’, ‘https://liveoffyourpassion.com/joinus/?utm_source=lyl&amp;utm_medium=blog&amp;utm_content=coursespg&amp;utm_campaign=lyl2014’, ‘Live Off Your Passion’]);”>Live Off Your Passion</a> course. Check it out to get guided through the process of actually discovering your values.</p> <p><strong><a href=”https://blockads.fivefilters.org”>Let’s block ads!</a></strong> <a href=”https://github.com/fivefilters/block-ads/wiki/There-are-no-acceptable-ads”>(Why?)</a></p> Wed, 02 Nov 2016 17:00:25 +0000 Chelsea Dinsmore 7-Step Process to Help Make Difficult Decisions (and the #1 Thing That You Must Know to Make Any Decision Easy!) | Live Your Legend article http://liveyourlegend.net/7-step-process-to-help-make-difficult-decisions-and-the-1-thing-that-you-must-know-to-make-any-decision-easy/ http://liveyourlegend.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lyl-social-thumb.png “Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” –Unknown Decisions, decisions, decisions… how many of you have ever felt decision fatigue? Or felt a little stuck in the decision-making process? I sure know I have! So earlier this year, when I attended a 5-day financial planning seminar where I heard from speakers such as George W. Bush, T. Boone Pickens, Peter Diamantis and Tony Robbins, aside from my head really hurting from all the discussions on investments, the economy and asset classes, I was surprised to find that one of the topics that kept coming up was how these incredibly successful leaders went about making decisions—many of which took place under tremendous pressure—such as 9/11, the 2008 stock market crash and being on the verge of bankruptcy. Hearing those circumstances makes your decision seem a little less stressful, doesn’t it?! 🙂 Yet, there is no doubt that decision making can be tough—especially if and when you feel like you are en-US text/html http://liveyourlegend.net/7-step-process-to-help-make-difficult-decisions-and-the-1-thing-that-you-must-know-to-make-any-decision-easy/ Career & Purpose Emotions & Happiness Entrepreneurship Influence & Negotiating Simplicity

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