Ask Amy: He took my money then broke his promise
DEAR AMY: I am recently engaged. We have been together for almost three years.
Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)
Like all new couples, we have had our rough patches but we worked through them.
We just bought a house! Except, in reality HE just bought a house.
I asked to take a loan out together, but he refused and said he wanted to get it alone.
I told him I did not feel comfortable paying a mortgage for a house that was not equally ours. Well — that didn’t matter, because here we are.
He asked me to help with the down payment. I agreed, with the condition that I would be added to the title. He agreed to my conditions, and the day of the closing I was there to sign paperwork in exchange for the funds.
He looked straight into my eyes and promised me I would be added to the title as soon as possible.
It’s now a month later, and here we are.
Now he is telling me he does not feel comfortable adding me to the title until after we are married. We have not yet set a date. He says he wants to protect himself. I understand, but my trust and respect for him have been deeply affected.
His solution is to either give me back my funds, or to sell me the house for what he paid for it.
My question is, how do I get over this broken promise? How do I NOT let this affect my choice to marry him?
Mrs. Maybe NOT
DEAR MAYBE NOT: Let’s recap: Your guy makes a decision. You explain your concerns, and then he either denies them or reluctantly agrees to your conditions, which he then reneges on.
He accepted your money and carried through with his original plans. Your response is, “Well, here we are.”
Now you are asking for suggestions for how you should “get over it.”
Here are my suggestions: Buy the house from him.
And then show him the door.
DEAR AMY: I have been friends with “Cat” for over 30 years. Cat and I have a mutual friend, “Sharon,” from back in the day.
Cat doesn’t get along with Sharon because she feels that Sharon is always busy, does not have time for her and will only meet on her turf.
Sharon has two high school kids at home. Cat does not.
Sharon and I get along great. Cat is now mad at me because I get along with Sharon and will occasionally spend time with her, when I am not busy with my own job and kids.
I have tried to reach out to Cat and spend time with her, but when I do she complains about Sharon. If she finds out that I have talked to her or have spent time with her she goes into a rage. She accuses me of being distant and of not spending time with her.
Cat gets mad if I spend time with Sharon, but she spends time with other people that we are mutually friends with, and I don’t get invited to their outings. I’m fine with that.
I am getting tired of Cat trying to control my other friendships.
How do I handle this with her? She has basically written me off as a friend.
I am tired of this drama and jealousy. She is 54 years old.
Shouldn’t these playground antics be over by now?
Hurt and Frustrated
DEAR HURT: One reason playground play is so important in primary school is because it gives children the opportunity to learn and practice important social skills involving boundaries, sharing, winning and losing.
“Cat” didn’t seem to absorb these important lessons.
You have the right and responsibility to engage in relationships that are happy, healthy, and balanced. It looks as if your friendship with Cat has run its course. She has resorted to emotional bullying.
You should give her the courtesy of respectfully thanking her for years of friendship, and let her know that you regret the fact that your long personal relationship seems to be ending.Want Ask Amy delivered to your inbox for free on weekdays?
DEAR AMY: “Upset” was complaining that her husband had invited two additional guests along on their holiday, but that these guests could not afford to split the cost of housing.
I enjoy your column. I especially appreciate gems like this: “You might be right, but your husband is being kind. Which would you rather be?”
DEAR FAN: I like to remind readers (and myself) to try to lead with compassion.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.
Published at Tue, 16 Apr 2019 13:00:50 +0000, source Ask Amy: He took my money then broke his promise.